Deep down inside I know everyone else is right but no matter how I look at it I don't know what I can do to make myself better. Or to make people understand my half.

People always tell you to go for what you want, but what if its selfish? Sometimes I don't know what I want anymore. It just all gets blurred inbetween the lines. I don't know if fighting will be worth it, and sometimes I don't even know why I'm fighting. Its just all all blur. On some days its okay, I've made my peace, but on other days its not and a fresh gust of pain just sweeps back in. I don't think they understand and its just so hard to explain. You can be so happy for someone but sad at the same time. For some reason whenever I try to explain it like this the word "funeral" comes up in my head...but no one has died (yet).maybe its better described as a love-hate relationship. I don't know. Its just simply put, my soul having a tug of war between what emotions to show and mr. Sad always seems to win. I know its selfish but I'm TRYING. Trying isn't easy, its not always apparent but I know I'm trying and its good enough for me. Sometimes I get carried away, wrapped up in my self absorbed pity moments but those are the times I need you most. Not to get fustrated but to be calmer than I and telling me that we can deal with it together, not just me dealing with my "issues".

I wonder how old people survive together for so long. I think part of it is the fact that society then is different from now, everyones priorities are different. Nothing is like an epic world war II film anymore. Reality sucks. There's no happyily ever after, just ever after.everyone fights now, divorces are the new fad, and people change over-night. How is it that we attempt to keep our idealistic fantasies alive in the modern world? Together would be a good start.

You know it just hurts so bad, but ill deal with it, trust me and be supportive. I know its hard to sound nice and sweet when you are fustrated but I'm scared and fustrated too. I'm confused and lost and not quite sure how to be. I'm growing up, I'm learning and I'm trying my best to stay afloat.

A lot of things arnt the same. 5 years is different from 1 year, 1 year is different than 5 months, 4 years is different than 4 months. Maybe the overall theme is but the details arnt, making the whole tapestry different. Maybe I can't be like them so stop pressuring me. I can do things my own way, try to make them work, and sometimes I fail, but encourage me to be better, your not the only one who hurts, who bleeds.

Honestly at the end of the day I know what I need but if it isn't enough for you then you need to do something about it. Its a two way kinda thing and it needs effort from both sides to function. I'd stand by you till the end of time, maybe not always being what you want, but you need to know that I'm trying.

{/Beats & Rhythms --

it's the words of my soul

{/Never Look Back --

watch me waste my life away

{/credits --

{/In The End --

this one's for you